Sunday, March 17, 2013

But Who's Counting?

One month.  Thirty two days, actually.  If you want to get specific, it's 776 hours which is only about  46,560 minutes.  But who's counting? 

I'm trying not to, but it's what I've been thinking about for the past hour.  I just happened to see the clock change from 11:59pm to 12:00am.  It changed from March 16th to March 17th in one short second and in that one short second an imaginary clock started ticking in my brain.  I've shut that clock off for the past couple weeks when I heard its ticking, but now it's getting harder.  Eli's surgery is set for April 17th at 8ish in the morning.  Now we are past the "surgery's more than a month away" phrase and starting to say "it's a month away."   Next we'll use weeks, then days.  But who's counting? 

I want to spend that time counting the smiles, playing games, watching the boys turn themselves into wild animals on the savannah, hearing their laughter, and burning each of those memories into my head. That's what I'll need to think about during the hours Eli's in surgery and in the following days and weeks. Most of the time I focus on what has to be done or just refuse to let the other thoughts get to me. Some moments it's harder to ignore those feelings of unrest. Don't get me wrong, I acknowledge the feelings, but I try not to dwell on them. The majority of my thoughts are positive. But who's counting?

Including the one I'm giving right now, there are approximately 18 tube feedings to do before surgery.  Sixty-two doses each of Captopril and Prilosec.  Twelve doses of aspirin.  But who's counting?

Bryan will have his four wisdom teeth removed in five days.  But who's counting?

Zachary has ten days of preschool left before he makes the trip to Indy with us.  But who's counting?

Eli has one more appointment at Dr. Amy's for his Synagis injections prior to surgery.  But who's counting?

I am.

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