Sunday, January 11, 2015

Questions, Updates, and a Couple Prayer Requests

Questions.  Normally I don't mind questions.  We all have them.  It's how we learn.  I like it when people ask about Eli's condition, especially when they want more information about the specifics of his heart or ways to help raise Congenital Heart Defect Awareness.  I like it when people ask how the boys are doing, how they're growing, how are each of them doing in school, etc.  We learn by asking questions and questions are a way to show we care.  But then there are other times when questions are inappropriate.  Yes, I realize the person asking may not realize the question is inappropriate.  We've all done that, myself included, but it seems that I've had many questions that I think are inappropriate since announcing this pregnancy.  {Just in case you're behind in our family news, we are expecting our third child!  Due date is May 4}  Many times I just want to answer "Nunyadambidness"  If you need that in plain English it's "None of your damn business."  However, I haven't given that specific answer to anyone yet because a) I'm too polite or b) I'm in too much shock of the initial question.

The following is a list of questions I've gotten in the past few weeks.  They're in unofficial order of my perception of what's been asked most frequently to least frequently but at least once.  Below the question is what I wish I had said/could have said followed by what I actually said or did. 

You must be trying for a girl?
What I wanted to say:  Why do you care? or Nunyadambidness.
What I said:  Actually we're just trying for a baby.  If we get to choose, we'd probably chose boy again.  How fun would life be with three boys in the house?  And since we already have a couple of them, we have a lotta boy stuff and a false confidence that we know what we're doing whereas with a girl we know we have no idea what we're doing.  However, we are mature enough to know that we don't have any say-so in the matter so we will take whichever God has for us.  As Zachary learned to say last year in school "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."

Was this baby planned or was it an accident?
What I wanted to say:  Why do you care?  or Nunyadambidness.  or How is that okay to ask someone?  or Was that question an accident? 
What I said:  I really don't remember what I said, I'm pretty much in shock every time someone asks this.

Are you planning on more after this?
What I wanted to say:  Why do you care?  or Nunyadambidness.  or How is that okay to ask someone?  or Will we be in violation of some code I don't know about if we were to have more after this one?
What I said:  No, we're pretty sure this one completes our family. 

Aren't you a little old to be having another?
What I wanted to say:  Why do you care?  or Nunyadambidness. 
What I said:  No.  Probably.  Yes.  Depends on the day.  Neither of us were getting any younger and neither of us want to set any Guinness records for having a baby when we're older.

Are you doing your Kegels?
What I wanted to say:  Why do you care?  or Nunyadambidness.  or Do you really want to know the answer to that?
What I said:  Yes, as we speak.  (followed by an uncomfortable pause by the questioner)
***in case you don't know what Kegels are, they're squeezing exercises for women to do with parts they have that men don't.  If you need more info then Google it!

For weeks I wondered if I was just being too sensitive, too hormonal.  But I don't think so.  If it were my sister, a close friend, or someone else with whom I've shared private information those questions wouldn't bother me, but the people asking these questions are not close confidants.  I'm not someone who is easily offended.  Easily annoyed, yes, but you've really got to work to make me mad.  I wouldn't say these questions make me really mad, but it's getting close.  However, I do find the humor in it as well and just enjoy that.  Hope some of you find it funny.  And if you think you're one who has asked one of these questions, please don't be worried.  I probably don't remember who has asked what and if I do I'm not holding a grudge, just getting a laugh about it.

Another question, rather a statement, we often hear that I know I'm too sensitive about is "Well, as long as this one is healthy."  Of course we'd love a healthy baby, but what kind of hypocrite would I be if I said that was our first priority???  Honestly, healthy isn't what I've been praying for.  I've prayed for a happy baby, one that fits in our family just as seamlessly as Zachary and Eli each did.  I've prayed for my health (and sanity) as I deal with the normal pregnancy issues in addition to keeping up with Eli's needs and Zachary's needs.  I pray that I'm able to be there for three kids, to lead them, guide them, and spend enough individual time with each of them.  I pray that whatever this baby is like, we can accept and be prepared to take care of him/her.  But no, I can no longer pray for a healthy baby.  I can hope, but I can't ask God for that.  I don't mean to sound negative, I'm not thinking the worst and I don't have any "mother's intuition" one way or another.  I've just come to learn (maybe because I'm so old????) that I can't dictate that.  The plan is already made.  God knows what's in my heart, I just need to be ready for His plan. 

On that note, this coming Tuesday Bryan and I will be in Indy for a fetal echo and other testing.  Any testing we've had so far has given great news, but this will provide more information.  From what I understand the first part will be an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the baby's heart) by one of the cardiologists in Eli's Indy group.  After that a tech will take over and scan the rest of the baby.  Before we leave, a fetal maternal doctor will review everything and make sure they have all the images they need.  We should definitely have news about the baby's heart that day and I think we will have the other results as well but am not sure on that part. 

Then on Wednesday, Eli and I will be back in Indy for an appointment for him.  He has gotten an appointment with an Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) doctor for his recurrent ear infections and ongoing cold symptoms.  Of course he has no runny nose or cough right now and neither ear was red at his monthly check up last week, but this is easily the healthiest he's been since mid-August.  We expect the doctor may recommend placing tubes.  If so, that's normally a relatively minor procedure for most.  However, Eli requires some special considerations anytime we deal with anesthesia so his procedure would have to involve a cardiac pediatric anesthesiologist.  However, we haven't even seen the ENT yet so I'm probably getting way ahead of myself!

Prayers for safe travels both days would be appreciated.  Good news about the baby would also be appreciated but most importantly pray that Bryan and I accept whatever news is delivered.  Pray that the best path is figured out for Eli.  While we certainly don't want to put him through anything he doesn't have to have, he needs long-term relief from these recurrent ear infections.  We need to know what's causing them and treat the source.  And, a little selfishly, if something needs done, it would be easier on us to have it done before the baby comes.

Because of our busy schedule in the middle of the week, I may not post results from either appointment right away.  Please remember that no news doesn't really mean good news or bad news, we're just busy!  Thanks for the prayers and taking the time to read about us.  Remember to cherish Every Little Beat...

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